“No I don’t want to wait
I know a better way
So come on step aside or better yet just go away
Our chance has finally come there might not be another one now
No we’re not gonna wait”
The Great Die-Off, Rise Against
In the past, before Trump, I wrote nicely, things like We Are Not or You Have The Choice. I quoted song lyrics, my version of echolalia. I was polite, never swore or offended, was articulate and academic.
My goal back then was to reach out to people and get allies. In that time my enemy was a narrative of autism being a bad thing, and my goal was to touch people’s hearts and minds to turn them away from that narrative. I had the ability and the necessity to spend the emotional labor on the feelings of my readers.
I don’t have that ability anymore, and I’m coming to realize that the people who I can actually count on having my back don’t need it.
If you’re not living under a rock, you know that the ACA was repealed, which as I have mentioned before means that a lot of disabled people are going to die. Less known is that Trump is thinking about creating a committee on autism, which might be headed by a known anti-vaxxer who thinks vaccines cause autism like Trump does. The stigma that could come from a government committee that thinks our neurology is, to quote Trump, “doctor-inflicted,” is something that my mind rebels at the thought of.
I, like the rest of the Outcast, no longer have the ability to kowtow to the feelings of others. I don’t have the headspace to spare for being acceptable anymore.
This is a war against oppression (hence creating the rage and action group for those affected by Trump that this blog is a platform for, The Outcast Army), a war with Nazis, a war against a kyriarchy that is poised to actually take many more lives.
If you think that you’re important enough for Outcast to spend emotional labor on you if you can’t stand by us in this war no matter what we say, you vastly overestimate your self-worth, because I no longer have the time, patience, or emotional capability to do that.
So, be by our side, no matter what, or get out of our way. True solidarity with Outcast isn’t based on getting congratulations for doing a good job but on the idea that we don’t deserve to be hated, that we are equal. We are hurting and we should be able to express that pain without your defense. We shouldn’t have to watch our tone and calm down when our people are fucking dying.
If you disagree with this, “step aside or better yet just go away.” All I care about is who will have my back when it’s against the wall like it is now, no matter what, and nobody whose allyship is conditional on me spending emotional labor and headspace that I don’t have to watch my tone around them is worth it. I only need people who I know will be there for me, who will be by my side not in the name of their feelings but in the name of human decency. We’re fighting now, and whether or not you’re going to stand by the Outcast fully or not is up to you and your views on whether or not we deserve to hurt and deserve support for our humanity, not us.